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Barbara
Walton's
"You Know
You've Read Too Much Card When..."
(Courtesy of the Filhos Da Mente De Card on Mike
Cardoso's OrsonCard Mail List)
...you decide to start
reading the real Locke and Demosthenes, not because they were
great historical figures, but because you want to see if they
match Peter and Val. (Barbara E. Walton)
...you see "Duquesne" printed on a map, and think for a
second that someone at Rand McNally misspelled
"Dekane." (Barbara E. Walton)
...you flip your computer chess game, so that your chessman are
at the top, and "the enemy's gate is down." (Barbara E.
Walton)
...you sleepily walk over to turn your computer on first thing in
the morning, and are puzzled to see a monitor sitting on top of
it instead of a holographic display. (Alicia Tippins)
...you are still searching for Jane's Web page. (Mike Adams)
...you begin killing wasps instantly on sight with your bare
fingers. (Croyd)
...you check the crawl space for bodies when you find bugs in the
house. (Mike Adams)
...you start sleeping in a fire, and hoping to wake up with a
plow. (Mike Hall)
...you consider posting to a message board or mailing list with
two identities, to singlehandedly carry on a debate. (Scott
Mikula)
...you sheepishly look around the bookstore, hoping no-one
notices you are buying your third copy of Speaker for the Dead.
(Scott Mikula)
...you see conspirations Everywhere. (Jaime Torres Amate)
...you can no longer play violent videogames for fear that you
actually may be killing someone, somewhere... (Croyd)
...you can no longer play *non*-violent videogames for fear that
you may be holding back souls from their eternal reward...
(Croyd)
...your friends all start calling you Ender...and you like it.
(Kevin J. Poorman)
...you name your computer system Locke...but not for the famous
person. (Kevin J. Poorman)
...you attempt to hold the pattern of your sister's late-model
Buick in your head and teleport to Boca Raton. (D. R. Commander)
...the judge doesn't buy your story about sending your
mother-in-law into her "third life." (D. R. Commander)
...you develop a real feeling of guilt for eating RAMEN
noodles... (-keith hale-)
...the gold fish dies, and you announce that there will be a
Speaking. (-keith hale-)
...the little metal device at the base of your skull starts
absorbing all of the heat from the shower. (-keith hale-)
...you name your twins Utlanning & Varelse. (-keith hale-)
...your stud earring starts talking to you, and making a lot of
sense... (-keith hale-)
...your need to utilize the restroom becomes known as the
Cranning Call. (-keith hale-)
...you begin absently "grooming" your overbearing boss
on the job whilst thinking of ways to escape... (Croyd)
More to come!
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